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Thai Toms – Whats The Story

By Paul Aslett on September 26, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Thai Toms What’s The Story…

Thai toms

Whats A Thai Tom !

You’d be forgiven for thinking that a Thai Tom was the Thai equivalent of a Tom Boy. A girl who is a bit boyish. You’d also be forgiven for thinking the Thai Tom personified the Western butch lesbian stereotype. In fact, it’s more complex than that. Please let us try to explain…

 Thai Toms Explained – Whats A Tom

A Thai Tom is widely considered more man than woman plus the usually very feminine girls they can be seen holding hands with, and carrying the handbags of, are not considered lesbians by all either,  they are simply considered by many to “be seeing a Tom.”

It’s quite a trend here in Thailand, and dare I say it, its almost fashionable. Preppy style Toms with boobs strapped tightly into non existence by sports bras can regularly be seen strutting the malls with elegant beauty queens. It’s commonplace these days for a woman who has become disillusioned with the male race and their chauvinistic antics to turn her attention to a Tom, who, by all accounts, looks like a boy, dresses like a boy, acts like a boy, and has the distinct advantage of understanding women better than any man,  because he/she is in fact a girl.

 Thai Toms are Forever?

Apparently not, Toms usually end up being left high and dry, going from one relationship to the next only until the girlfriend’s family realise there’s more to it than holding hands and cinema trips.

So does that mean many of the girls dating Toms are actually lesbians but ultimately succumb to cultural pressure? Perhaps. But then the majority of Tom-woman couples you see appear very comfortable showing public displays of affection, which would suggest broad cultural acceptance, and that the woman isn’t worried about “others” finding out.

Anyway.  It’s an interesting subject,  almost as interesting as the Ladyboy phenomena us “foreigners” are so obsessed with.

 Thai Toms to Summarise – Im Confused !

So let’s clear this up, for now at least, until someone tells me I’ve got it all wrong. Toms aren’t necessarily lesbians because they pretty much believe they are men, and the women they date kind of think the same,  that’s why they’re Toms. And if a woman goes with a Tom it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s a lesbian or bi-sexual, either.

On the other side of the fence, so to speak, Ladyboys aren’t quite men, and aren’t quite women, either, that’s why they’re Ladyboys. And, depending on which Thai person you speak with, if a man goes with a Ladyboy, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s gay,  Confused? Don’t be. It’s all fairly simple really. It’s part of the allure of Thailand. A corner of the world where some things just aren’t set in stone, and can’t be put in boxes no matter how much our  minds demand it, just need to accept it as it is…

Useful Links

Gender Identities Thailand

Dating a Tom Health Risks?

About the Author

Paul AslettView all posts by Paul Aslett
Qualified UK Immigration Consultant - OISC F200700163. Owner of Thai Visa Express - UK -Australia- Thailand Visa applications. Expertise UK visa immigration family migration visa applications - leave to enter & remain in the UK. My expertise is visas for Thai citizens to travel or settle overseas, currently living working in Thailand.